A new peer support group in Mission for people grieving drug-related losses lets participants be “in the mud” together.
The gatherings aren’t solely for parents or family members of toxic drug victims but for friends, physicians and counsellors as well.
“All of us had struggled recently with loss,” participant Gary Têtu said.
Hellena Fehr, who lost her son Corbin to toxic drugs in 2022, organized the group due to a lack of support for others in the same situation.
She says once company leaves in the weeks after a loss, isolation can grab hold.
“You're left to flounder and find each other if you can and going out of the house is also extremely difficult. So I've always had in the back of my mind that something needs to be done,” Fehr said.
The first meeting on July 24 at Copper Hall only had a handful of people turn up with a freeform discussion, but Fehr is hopeful more will show up in the future. Future meetings are slated for the fourth Wednesday of each month.
Têtu says timing brought him to the group. He’s a recovery support worker for mental health and addictions who helps facilitate classes.
“Just because a counsellor is counselling, doesn’t mean they have it all together themselves. They usually have a background as well and they usually have that connection –that relatability,” he said.
Têtu is dealing with a recent loss of his own. A friend’s granddaughter who he counselled for years ecently died in a recovery home of toxic drugs.
He says he watched her go from living in a house with a job to struggling and getting kicked out, going into recovery, and onto the street. The girl went back and forth between her home, the street and recovery homes before she died about a month ago.
According to Têtu, she checked into the recovery home with her girlfriend to dry out. He says she was dead for a day and a half before staff found her because they didn't check on her properly.
“They figured that her partner was checking on her, so they didn't check on her. Her partner didn't even know that she had passed away. She cuddled her for a whole day until she finally realized she had bruising all over her face,” he said.
There are a lot of cracks to slip through and a lot of work still to be done, Têtu says.
Fehr says the people who are left behind are often treated with the same stigma as drug users.
“It's not taking away from anybody else's situation, but losing a child to addiction or losing somebody to addiction is so different than losing them to disease or to a car accident or something because there's not that social stigma attached to those other ones,” she said.
She says the company of a peer support group is worthwhile.
“I need to be around people that get it. People that are going to understand if I just burst into tears because somebody sent me a photo of my son when he was two and his arms are all covered in baby fat,” Fehr said.
Têtu says people trying to heal seek out relatability rather than those with all the answers.
“That's exactly what we need – somebody who's down in the mud with us or has been down in the mud with us. We don't want you to pick us out of the mud. We just want somebody else to be in the mud with us for a while until we're ready,” he said.
In his own work, he focuses on physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellness.
“Spiritual health doesn't necessarily come from religion. It comes from community – it comes from others who understand us, support us and value us. Even though we're a mess, even though we're broken … whatever it is – it's okay,” Têtu said.
Fehr said she’s aware not everyone in search of such a community is comfortable going into a building with strangers. She says anyone looking for support can reach out to her directly through Facebook.
